Boundaries Part 3

Why do so many people find setting boundaries so hard?

For many people (myself included!!) creating boundaries presents a challenge

Perhaps we were not modelled or taught health boundaries, or even brought up within enmeshed or codependent family structures, or later in life (through other relationships) we are broken down in someways: hurt, rejected or mistreated which can also lead to poor perception of self, low self worth which makes it exceedingly difficult to set boundaries.

We fear being rejected or abandoned if we place priority on our own needs.

Avoiding confrontation/people pleasing... both of these are common issues relating to the listed reasons above.

If you have people in your life, and yes this includes family, intimate partners, friends ect. that you feel you cannot say no to, or have boundaries with, for fear of the consequences: that is the number one indicator that you need boundaries with those people.

First step to begin the process of creating healthy boundaries increasing self-awareness.

Pay attention to what your body is telling you when you are with people, do you feel tension in your neck/shoulders, butterflies or churning in your stomach, low energy?

do you feel on edge, perhaps sad or angry?

Reflect on your feelings, acknowledge them.

Explore and identify your personal values.

Clarify what you are willing to tolerate in your relationships.

Identifying where you need more space, self-respect, energy or personal power

Begin to identify your boundaries by completing these following sentences with several examples for each one, that are specific to you

1. I will not tolerate being around people who _____________.

Examples: …Humiliate me, constantly criticize me, go through my personal things, tell me what to think

2. I have the right to ask for ____________.

Examples: …Privacy, more information before making a decision, support.

3. To protect my time and energy, it is ok to _____________.

Examples: …Change my mind, turn the ringer off on my phone, say no, be alone.

In my next post, I will go thru a few examples of boundary statements and things to avoid when approaching a conversation regarding boundaries, and explain why you may not even need to have a conversation about it, sometimes you just keep it to yourself, and change how you react/interact with people!

Until next time, be kind to yourself

K